So, readers have been asking me about Knut, the polar bear quite a bit. Well, I’m sick of it. So, here’s an update on FLOCKE: she’s fine. Don’t worry. As far as I can tell from the following picture, Flocke is growing up to be a respectible polar bear just like her first cousin, Knut. Although I don’t advocate bears eating seals, she’s going to start getting pretty bored soon. I believe there are some excellent soy-based imitation seal products out there, so let me be the first to recommend to Germans (Deutschlanders) they buy this stuff. It’s environmentally responsible since the soy is grown with replaceable fuel sources.

I’ve just been made aware of an email which has been circulating about a bear attack in Manitoba. It claims to contain a graphic picture of a nonfatal bear attack. Here is the text of the email:

Bear Attack in
Churchill
,
Manitoba
,
Canada
.

These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack in Churchill.

These pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop
the attack.

Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim will make a full
recovery.

The photo’s are below.

Warning, graphic photos!!!

In case anybody who receives this email is concerned that it’s a virus, don’t worry–it isn’t. I’m including the picture from the email and, I must say, I’m a little underwhelmed by the carnage. Here’s the picture.

Every morning (when I wake up) I scour the news for bear related headlines. Today I was in for a real surprise: somebody filmed a PYTHON trying to eat a kangaroo. The image is pretty disgusting, so I’m only going to link to the article. Here it is: http://www.news.com.au/travel/story/0,26058,24615712-5014090,00.html. I will, however, say few words about pythons and kangaroos.

Pythons are large snakes. Like the anaconda, the python is among the two largest snakes in the world. The primary difference between anacondas and pythons is anacondas live in the water and kill other things that live in the water whereas pythons live on the land and try to eat kangaroos, aligators (http://bearscare.org/2008/05/12/snake-vs-lizard/) and sometimes people.

Kangaroos are marsupials. Marsupials (koala bears, kangaroos, etc.) are characterized by a pouch on females which is strictly reserved for their young. Some marsupials live in their mothers’ pouches for several years before vacating for good. All marsupials live in Australia (no coincidence there) and kangaroos are known for their jumping.

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank Wikipedia for providing the images for this article and also foxnews.com and all pythons.

I was recently made aware of an amazing creature. It’s the WEREBEAR. According to this website,

The werebear is a creature closely related to the werewolf. A werebear is like a werewolf, but bigger, stronger, and more formidable because it turns into a bear instead of a wolf. In many legends from northern Europe, the two creatures appear side-by-side in the same legends.

I can’t believe I hadn’t pondered the existence of werebears before. I guess I just don’t think much about werewolves since usually my animal thoughts turn to bear thoughts and so thoughts of werewolves would naturally lead me to the conclusion that, if bears are better than wolves (obviously true) and some wolves are werewolves (true), then some bears must be werebears. That is a valid, strong argument using deductive which infallibly proves the existence of werebears.

Most wearbears are grizzly-human hybrids, but occasionally there are black bear-human hybrids. Obviously honeybear werebears do not exist because the honeybear would eat itself during the first human-bear transition and thus would never become a full bear in the zoological sense. Thanks and good night.

PS: I’ll be posting more about werebears throughout my life.

       ]]> http://bearscare.org/2008/11/03/the-werebear/feed/ arcticaribou http://bearscare.org/2008/10/24/bear-myths/ http://bearscare.org/2008/10/24/bear-myths/#comments Fri, 24 Oct 2008 01:36:55 +0000 arcticaribou http://bearscare.wordpress.com/?p=156

1. Koala bears aren’t really bears — TRUE. Koalas are kangaroos pretending to be bears.
2. Panda bears aren’t really bears — LIE. Well, Giant Pandas are one of the eight species of bear.
3. Black bears only attack when one is between a mother and cubs — This isn’t necessarily true. I’m not saying you should get between a mom and her cubs, but if you want to, it’s up to you; you might survive.
4. Grizzly bears only attack when one is between a mother and her cubs –
5. Sun bears aren’t real — would you believe my wife doesn’t believe in Sun Bears? I’m even going to pump money into a bear charity and she still doesn’t believe!
6. Red pandas are real bears — false. RATS.
7. Honeybears like honey — FALSE. Honeybears ONLY eat meat. They need 100-200 lbs. per day, depending on sex. The name, “honey”, comes from the color of their fur. Few men have ever seen a honeybear.
8. Cheetahs are the fastest animal — see 7.
9. Polar bears are endangered — Socialist drivel. Polar bears can beat anything/one.
10. Grizzly bears are mean — they’re 90% lonely, 10% bored.

So, since this is one the more prominent blogs on the internet and the top source for bear/animal information, you can imagine I get lots of comments (both positive and negative). The other day, I received the following comment from a reader name Jesse:

i cannot believe the mindless dribble i have just read… did a shark attack your family member or sumthing… your facts are entirely unfounded, no sharks sun themselves on the beach that is the most rediculous thing i have heard like an elephant trying on a dress to fit in with humans the shit just doesnt happen, thay arent some mean machine trying to rid the world of its population one unsuspecting swimmer at a time, they are predatory fish that eat to survive, they need to eat lots as there is a lot of animal to support and they are constantly burning calories from swimming… and they shall never NEVER go on land to rid our childrens children of crops… you man/sir are a fool… ne! a Fools Fool… and should never post a blog nor a comment so long as you have an opinion to post… you have shamed your family and all those who have met them… GOOD DAY!

Thank you for the feedback, Jesse. I wish you were right about the sharks, but you just aren’t. See, it’s naive people like you who perpetuate the myth that Great White Sharks are just predatory fish. Wrong. They are killing machines. They want to rid the world of humans.

What’s more interesting, however, is that Jesse not only took the time to read this blog but also wrote a very lengthy comment. I appreciate the feedback but I just don’t know why anyone would take so much time out of their day. Perhaps Jesse would like to become a Bearscare contributor?

One more thing for all my readers. I think Jesse meant “drivel”. We all know “dribble” refers to bouncing a basketball.

Portrait of Jesse

CNN just released this video of a blue lobster with a pink belly. Apparently this happens to one in two million lobsters. So, if you’re into that stuff, take a look. If not, whatever. I don’t care.

Today we went to the zoo in DC. Here is an incomplete list of animals we saw and my personal feelings on them:

1. Pandas - AWESOME
2. Lions - sweet
3. Tigers - similar to lions
4. Anaconda - scary/sweet
5. King Cobra - deadly (stay away from these)
6. Prairie dog - opposite of (5)
7. Elephants - Very large and friendly. These were the Asiatic variety.
8. Cow - I felt bad about my lunch
9. Orang utan - Me 10,000,000 - 100,000,000 years ago
10. HIPPO - wet

So, my wife was just reading The Drudge Report (whatever that is) and I noticed a large bear picture on the front page. Naturally I almost lost it. She told me he put the picture up because of the “bear” market. Who ever chose these mascots anyway? Bulls and bears? Bulls are weak. Look, a bear market is fine. We’re cutting the fat and purging the market of excess. That’s what bears do and just like nature, they keep the stock market healthy.

Bulls are stupid. And totally 20 years ago. Nobody really cares anymore. Do you ever look at your hamburger and think about rallying bulls? No, of course you don’t. Do you look at your hamburger and think about sweet bears? You might if you fall into 1 of 2 categories:

1. Me or my sympathizers
2. Ursaphages — criminals who deserve to be punished to the full extent of the law

Just relax.

Click on that bear if you want to check out the Drudge Report. I don’t really read it but my wife does, so it’s fine by me.